Carol Boulware, MFT, Ph.D.

Certified Sex Therapist treats sexuality, sexual problems, sexual dysfunctions, sexual anxiety, loss of sexual desire, inhibitied sexual desire, premature ejaculation, impotence, sexual traumas, PTSD, sexual abuse from childhood. Marriage counseling and relationship counseling. Intimacy and communication skills. Dr. Boulware has over 20 years counseling & psychology experience. Certified EMDR Therapist and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner.

HOW STRONG IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
By Carol Boulware, Ph.D.

Where Does Your Relationship Stand?

Here is a short self-quiz that can give you a general indication of your relationship's potential for long-lasting fidelity. This quiz is intended only for greater awareness and not as a diagnostic tool.

Ideally, both partners will take the quiz so that you have the benefit of comparing and discussing your answers. If you feel you need an in-depth evaluation of your specific situation, consider having a consultation with a professional therapist or relationship counselor.

Answer YES or NO to these questions, then total your YES answers. Check your total with the Key at the end of the list of questions.

1. Do you rarely tell your partner what you need or want in your relationship?
   YES NO
2. Do you rarely ask your partner what they need or want in your relationship?
   YES NO
3. Do you often blame your partner when things go wrong or you feel unhappy?
   YES NO
4. Does one of you have a greater need for sexual intimacy than the other?
   YES NO
5. Do you often think about ways in which your partner can met your needs?
   YES NO
6. Do you feel that you got "pushed" into committing to your relationship?
   YES NO
7. Do you often feel bored with your sex life?
   YES NO
8. Is sexual activity the main focus of your time together?
   YES NO
9. Is it difficult for you to be honest with your partner?
   YES NO
10. Do you often tell "white lies" to spare feelings or "keep the peace"?
    YES NO
11. Do you spend at least 10 minutes a day talking with your partner?
    YES NO
12. Do you often fantasize about sexual encounters with other people?
    YES NO
13. Is there an "unspoken pact" between you not to discuss certain subjects?
    YES NO
14. Is it difficult to accept the things you dislike about your partner?
    YES NO
15. Have either of you ever threatened to leave each other if the other strayed?
    YES NO
16. Are you able to express your anger or displeasure with your partner?
    YES NO
17. Does your partner make a lot of demands on you?
    YES NO
18. Do you often feel resentful towards your partner?
    YES NO

ANSWER KEY

1-4 YES's -- indicate your relationship is strong right now

5-9 YES's -- indicate that you and/or your partner may be vulnerable at this time. You should give serious consideration to the guidelines that appear later in this article.

10 + YES's -- indicates you may be headed for serious problems and should consider professional counseling.

Your answers should give you more awareness of your actions and motivations in your relationship. Hopefully, they will stimulate open and honest discussion between you and your partner.

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